i'm not a hardcore worrywart, but from time to time, my thoughts can go that way. when i catch myself worrying about things, i will try very hard to get my head in a more positive space, because i believe that what we spend time and energy thinking about can become reality if we let it. good or bad.
having said that, judging by most of the baby/pregnancy books out there, it's amazing that anyone gives birth to a live baby at all. everyone talks about the book "what to expect when you're expecting" like it's the bible of pregnancy books. i think it should be renamed "YOU SHOULD EXPECT YOUR BABY TO DIIIIEEEEEEE". it's a terrible fear mongering horror movie of a book. i can't read that shit. it makes me sad. i am doing my best to give this babe a good start. some of it is easy and some of it is more difficult, but it's a no-brainer. you do what you have to do, within reason. but i really don't want to spend this pregnancy being afraid. i don't think a stressed out mommy is a good environment to grow up healthy in, either.
i did spend the first few weeks after i found out i was pregnant worrying that it wouldn't take. i had cramps and was sure it was a signal that i would lose the pregnancy. i worried that because i got a positive test so early, even before i missed my period, that it was just a chemical pregnancy and wouldn't stick. every time i went to the washroom i was terrified i'd see blood on the toilet paper. i checked a lot. i may have chafed my goodies with all the wiping. that didn't feel nice.
once the cramps went away and i was feeling pretty good and having normal pregnancy type symptoms, i calmed down a lot. i feel happy and comfortable and don't spend much time worrying about the pregnancy itself.
i AM scared of a few things that may or may not be happening in the future, though.
1) hemorrhoids. eeeeeeeeeeew.
2) the possibility of having an amniocentesis. i probably won't have to have one, but the thought of a huge long needle poking me through the belly freaks me out. i don't have a needle thing, but everyone has their limits.
3) along the same lines, having an epidural. big fucking needle through your spine, yaaaaaaay!
i've been watching a baby story a lot. i can't yet picture myself in the place of these mommies. maybe it's cause i'm still fairly early on. maybe it's because i'm not really showing too much yet, don't know the gender, haven't thought of possible names, etc. i am not scared of actually giving birth, because i think whatever has to happen will happen and i don't have any concrete birth plans. i just want my baby to be delivered safely and for it to be healthy, and however that goes down is ok with me. but i can't imagine that day. not yet.