Thursday, June 2, 2011

welllll, i'm pregnant.

there are going to be some details all up in this post that you may or may not want to know about me, my sex life and/or my anatomy. actually, this is the unsavoury direction this blog will most likely be taking from here on in. you have been warned.

OK so we got back from honeymoon and i was like HEY I SHOULD REALLY GET THIS IUD TAKEN OUT SO WE CAN START TO TRY MAKING A BABY.

you know... because i'm 35. and i've been on serious hormone birth control for the last 8 years, and have subsequently not menstruated at all in most of those years.  not getting a period has been awesome, and i would recommend the mirena iud to anyone, btw.  it's a god send.  BUT i had no idea, considering my lack of a period and my unyouthfulness, how long it would take for my body to return to normal. no clue how quickly it would take for me to actually get a period or ovulate.

so mid-march, i had the mirena taken out. april 23, i got a period. actually, i got about 8 periods, if we're being honest. gah.

so then once the menstrual tsunami was over, we decided to start trying to have baby-making sex. i downloaded a dinky iphone app that when you entered the date of your last period, would tell you when your most fertile days were.  we had a bunch of sex in that time. i did that thing where you lie on your back afterward and keep your hips elevated for 20 minutes.  thank god for silly iphone games like tinywings. otherwise i would have died of boredom.

 tmi yet?  TOO BAD.

according to the fertility app that told me when we should DO IT LIKE CRAZY, i was due to get my period on may 21st.  that's IF i had a normal 28 day schedule, which due to my years long menstrual hiatus, i wasn't sure of. on may 17th, i spotted a little and thought that this must be the onset of my period and maybe mine was more like a 25 day cycle. i was a tiny bit disappointed, but got over it pretty quickly. it seemed pretty reasonable that this baby making stuff might take a while. BUT the spotting only lasted for about an hour, and then went away.  i found this odd, because that's never happened to me before. usually when things start, it's ON. hmm, i thought.  my period is being weird.

i woke up a couple days later, after having slept for 8 hours feeling like i hadn't slept a wink. WEIRD! that NEVER HAPPENS.  i was absolutely exhausted. went to work and could barely keep my eyes open. my boobs were also really super tender, which is sort of normal pms stuff, and i was experiencing some pretty nasty heartburn, which i do get from time to time, but not usually this bad or this often.  I WONDER IF I AM PREGNANT?!?! i said to myself.

i bought a pee-test. the kind that tests early, since i wasn't due to get my period for another couple days.  when i went home, i peed on that stick, and lo and behold:

i showed dan and it was all smiles and holyshits and whatthefucks and ohmygods.  i never expected it to happen so quickly. ever never never.

i peed on 5 other tests because i am a crazy person.
you get the idea.

we told our folks and our bffs and everyone was super stoked. this will be a first grandchild for all of our parents, and i know my mom has been anxiously anticipating being a gramma for a while now.  they were over the  moon happy for us.

like you don't even know.

the next day i started feeling some weird pressure/ache in my lower abdomen. i was freaked out because while they weren't exactly cramps, and they certainly were quite mild, the only thing i could liken the feeling to is that pressure you feel before you're about to get your period.  i went to my doctor to get some blood taken so they could make sure my hcg values were doubling the way it ought to.  they took blood to do a complete prenatal blood and urine series.
fucking vampires.
by the time i went back to get my results, the cramps had stopped, which brought a huge sense of relief. that was some scary shit, yo.  anyhow.. the blood results were all fine. my hcg levels were doubling and tripling as they are meant to do.  HOWEVER my urine test showed that i was leaking some protein in my urine.  this can mean something or not, and to get a clearer picture, they needed me to collect every drop of urine i produced over the course of 24 hours. that way they could see what the average of protein excreted during the day was, and that value would be more significant than just the one prior collection.  they gave me what was essentially a medi-grade jerry can for me to collect all my pee in.  i laughed out loud when the lab lady gave it to me because it was just so huge and ridiculous.
that's alotta pee.

i should get those results by the end of the week.

so far, i'm feeling pretty good. i am still really really tired most of the time and my boobs still really hurt. i am not nauseous. i don't have morning sickness, really.  when i get up though, i feel like i need to put something starchy in my stomach immediately or else the acid in my stomach will chew a hole right through my stomach lining. i think i'll buy some crackers to keep on my bedside table. maybe if i jam one in my yap right as i get up, it will feel better, dan said he wouldn't kick me out of our bed for eating them.  he loves me.

i meet with my midwife on july 6th and am looking very much forward to it.  i will be about 10 weeks by then, and i am hoping shortly thereafter we can hear a heartbeat/see an ultrasound picture of the sea monkey.  exciting stuff!!


  1. YAY JUDE! (and Dan)

  2. So very very excited for you & Dan!!

    PS. We hit one out of the ballpark on our first month trying too (I also thought it would take awhile - oops). Not to freak you out but you have met my twins, right? :)

  3. HolyShit! OMG! You are a Fertile Myrtle! We are very happy for you!