Thursday, December 8, 2011

week 33!!

dear cletus;

this week you are the size of a pineapple and weigh over 4.5 lbs. you're getting chunkier by the day and your skin is getting less translucent and more opaque, which i am thankful for because having a see-thru baby would be weird.  your exercise space is getting smaller and smaller and your presence in my belly is becoming more and more difficult to ignore. i feel you whenever i bend over to get something. i feel your jitterbugging on my bladder. i will be lying on my back and suddenly i can feel some part of you rising to the surface of my belly in a weird hard lump. what i'm saying, is that i'm calling bullshit on all these "i didn't know i was pregnant" people. i SUPPOSE if i were super out of touch with my body that there is the possibility i might not have known up until about 18-20 weeks. i mean, it's perfectly normal to be dead tired all the time and your boobs suddenly to get 3 sizes bigger from out of nowhere, right? but after i started feeling movement, and SEEING movement... well. i'm just saying that denial is a very powerful force. and that people are big stupid liar faces.

this is me. 

my sweet baby girl, your poor mother has lost her mind. my days are filled searching the internet for cute little craft projects and decor ideas for your nursery. sometimes i just go and stand in your room and imagine you in your crib. then i rock back and forth and turn the lights on and off a hundred times. then your dad tries not to make eye contact with me at all for fear of the next order of what he needs to hang/move/install/paint/assemble, etc. i can't help it, i have urges. and the voices are telling me to decorate.

a couple weekends ago we hung your mobile and the gorgeous picture above your crib, secured your bookcase to the wall in case some day you should decide to climb it, hung a cute clothes rack thingy to the back of the door, and fastened your change pad to the change table. and when i say we i mean your dad. the chandelier is finished and installed, and i am really super happy with how it turned out.  i have an idea for another decor project but i have to source out some stuff that i need before i do it.  i also have an adorable crochet pattern for a blanket that i'd like to make for you. i should also sleep more often.

things have become a little more uncomfortable in the last few weeks. i'm not sleeping as soundly, and muscle cramps are happening more frequently. headache has become a way of life. i'm tired a lot earlier in the evening now. not as bad as how it was in the first trimester, but the abundance of energy that i had in my second trimester has plummeted. i wake up often in the night time with sore arms and numb hands. turning over in bed sometimes feels like a herculean effort. and i have 6.5 weeks left to go!

i had a dream that i went into labour, and kept thinking NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. IT'S NOT TIME I'M NOT READY!!  but i guess we're never ready.  you have a place to sleep and clothes to wear and there are diapers for your butt. i think we will probably always feel vastly unprepared for the new life we're about to enter, but i hope we'll manage ok.  soon you'll be here and your dad and i will stare at you all day long and not believe that you're really here. 

keep growin, little girl!

love, your mommy :)

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